beating the bad karma away

a lot has been happening lately, and I want to thank you all for your kind emails. my husband has recently been diagnosed with chronic hepatitis B and our family is now running a fearful marathon of blood tests and vaccinations. this is also slowing down the closing process. and jeopardizing it. and someone attacked and insulted me on one of the blogs I'm writing for, which has led me to seriously question myself and eventually quit the job.

yesterday morning I curled up in bed with my heart broken and begged the universe for a brief pause in my life. trying to still my body and thoughts, like hushing the gentle oscillation of water to sink in the calmness of a warm bath. but I could not stop crying. I dragged myself out of soft, comforting cotton and stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a while. I could hardly recognize myself. and I hated that.

I knew that as soon as I'd see them an overwhelming sense of safety would quiet my tormented heart. my refuge from the storm. my girls. greeting my sadness and fear with a meatball sandwich, fun stories and unconditional support. the grass under my body, blooming roses and the Cathedral of Notre-Dame enclosing our trivial conversations and Converse Chuck Taylors with unique beauty. soothing the howling winds pounding in my soul. and reminding me that yes, life is difficult. but I am strong. and I'll get through it.

I hope you like the new design.

Comments

[euphrosynely]

Really like the new design, Irene, and so sorry to hear about all the bad news. But knowing you, I'm sure you'll get through it magnificently.

And I don't know what the insult was, but I certainly do not think you should quit your job over it! I find it that criticism makes me better at whatever I do.

Good luck! I am confident that soon you'll be more than fine.

[Steph]

Love the new look!

Irene, it is beyond me how ANYONE could bash you! You are such a kind-hearted, good-spirited soul. I feel fortunately to have connected with you over this past year of blogging and I know everyone who reads your stuff feels the same way. You have a way of writing about life that uplifts, and when it does not it gently describes heartache in such a poetic way.

Hang in there, my friend. Hang in there. Things will turn around soon.

[mama_tulip]

Hang in there, Irene -- you know where I am if you want to talk. ((hugs))

[blackbird]

I feel so protective of you that I just want to SMACK anyone who would DARE to upset you enough to quit your job...
I am hoping things ease for you soonest.

[melanie komisarski]

oh, Irene, I am so sorry to hear about all that you've been going through. Thinking good thoughts for you!! Yes, you are strong and you will persevere!! xoxo

[Katia]

Let me reply to you, my dearest of dears...
"life is difficult. but I am strong. and I'll get through it..."
and we'll be there with you all the way.
bises.

[Elaine]

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. The thought of someone tearing you down is ridiculous... how could someone be so cruel. Let me know what I can do.

[Chris]

The new design is lovely. As are you and your family, no matter what the results are. It doesn't change your essential nature.

*hug*

[bella]

((hugs)) irene. i'm just a click away if you need anything - support, a shoulder - don't hesitate. i'm so sorry for all of what's going on. your family is in my thoughts.
i love the design by the way.

[debbie]

oh irene! i'm sending you all my good vibes...hopefully things will brighten up soon....

[Jill]

my thoughts are with you... you are stronger than these disappointments. keep us updated on how things are going. thinking of you.

[Waya]

Even though I'm a new visitor to your blog...I really like your writing! So I don't know what anyone can possibly insult your writing enough for you to quit!

Hang in there! You sound like a very strong person, so you will come out of this no problem.

I hope everything will be fine with your husband.

Btw, I love the new design. Very clean and fresh!

[Susan]

Your site looks lovely--very peaceful and calm. I hope some of that spills out into your real life.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry to read about your husband and I hope that all works out for you and your family.
Best wishes on the move and the new house. And the site looks great!

[Emerald Market Girl]

Love the new design, my friend. Just wanted to drop a line to reiterate how gracefully I think you handled everything. Really -- well done.

K.

[Pink Rocket]

you know how to reach me! praying for you my dear friend!

[courtney]

I love the new digs-it's very streamline! I am sorry life is kicking ya around these days-I'm sending you a big huge! Anyone that doesn't not like your writting is a moemoe idiot and I hope that you didn't quit blogging baby, because i have to say I enjoy your posts the best! I am also very sorry to hear about your husband. I hope that things get better very soon and you're right-you are a very strong person (I know I don't personally know you-but it radiates through your writting)Leaning on your friends is an excellent idea and you've got another if you need one :)

[kristen]

I'm sorry that someone attacked you while blogging....I've never quite understood the viciousness and mean-spirit that permeates the blogging world from time to time - it's always shocking to me.
I'm sorry about your husband's chronic Hep B status; it's amazing to me how 1) easily it is for someone to pick up any of the hepatitis diseases. If people realized that, than everyone would be getting vaccinated. I hope he's feeling alright, I'm sorry that you've been thrown this curve ball right now. But know you're well supported with your girls and of course your boys. Big hugs from across the pond. xo

[Marilyn]

Oh, sweetie, I'll email you to say all that I want to say. Sending HUGE hugs your way... xoxo

[Jenna]

Irene,

Your husband and family are in my prayers. I cannot imagine this time but know that our family holds you in thought and prayer during this time.

As for whomever attacked you on BB; they're probably insecure about whatever you were writing about. Ignore them. It's their issue, not yours.

Keep me updated.
-Jenna