beating the bad karma away

a lot has been happening lately, and I want to thank you all for your kind emails. my husband has recently been diagnosed with chronic hepatitis B and our family is now running a fearful marathon of blood tests and vaccinations. this is also slowing down the closing process. and jeopardizing it. and someone attacked and insulted me on one of the blogs I'm writing for, which has led me to seriously question myself and eventually quit the job.

yesterday morning I curled up in bed with my heart broken and begged the universe for a brief pause in my life. trying to still my body and thoughts, like hushing the gentle oscillation of water to sink in the calmness of a warm bath. but I could not stop crying. I dragged myself out of soft, comforting cotton and stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a while. I could hardly recognize myself. and I hated that.

I knew that as soon as I'd see them an overwhelming sense of safety would quiet my tormented heart. my refuge from the storm. my girls. greeting my sadness and fear with a meatball sandwich, fun stories and unconditional support. the grass under my body, blooming roses and the Cathedral of Notre-Dame enclosing our trivial conversations and Converse Chuck Taylors with unique beauty. soothing the howling winds pounding in my soul. and reminding me that yes, life is difficult. but I am strong. and I'll get through it.

I hope you like the new design.

Comments

[my pink sky]

irene...i know exactly what you are going through...has your husband's doctor told you that hep b is endemic in asian cultures? i too was diagnosed when i was pregnant 3 years ago...such a shock, but it's not the end! let me know if you feel like chatting - we will all be o.k. (((hug)))

[Nancy]

hi irene,

i'm so sorry that you're going through a rough time. there will always be people who try to discourage, bring down, or judge others.. because of their own ignorance, issues, or whatever reason. they don't give their opinions with love, kindness, or any positive goal in mind.

none of us are meant to be strong on our own. i hope you continue to remember that there are many people around you who really believe in you, believe what God can do through you, and who accept, love, and cherish you for who you are. life is not easy in any way, but you WILL get through it with love!

~nancy

[Nancy]

P.S.
Live your life the way you want to
Don't let fools lead you astray
Live your dreams so you hold on to
All you need along the way

--Steppenwolf, "Live Your Life"

:)

[LK]

i recently starting your reading your blog and i always wanted to comment & say that i think you're such a talented writer! you're also an inspiring mother/wife/woman.

i'm sorry to hear about the hard times you're going through right now. my thoughts are with you. i know you'll rise from it a stronger person.

thank god for great friends too, right? ;-)
take care irene :-)

[jess]

Oh irene, i'm so sorry. sorry about your husband. sorry about people saying bad things. sorry that it hurt your heart, because you have a beautiful one.

please take care.

[Cee]

Wow, look at all these people that have circled the wagons around you! People will always bash, always, and I am sorry that you felt thier unjust wrath! It is not nice and not it is not fair! But thank God that those people are in the minority.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Hang in there!
Chris

[erica]

Irene: I am so sorry to hear all of this....I'm thinking of you, and wishing good thoughts...xxoo -Erica

[liz elayne]

i am so sorry to hear about all these challenges...i want all of them to go away for you! i hope that you take a breath and another one and remember that you always do the best you can. you always do. that is all you can do. again and again.
i am thinking about you and sending you peace and light. peace and light.

[slim]

Korean dramas..this is what I recommend on low days. No seriously..I'm praying for you and your family today, especially regarding your husband's health. I've seen a loved one go through the same illness.

I know criticism can be hard to handle for anyone, much less for Asian women, but we also have the benefits of our faith and the lessons learnt from living in several cultures to challenge us to say that people's criticism cannot define us! This is easier said than done if we were raised according to a certain tradition.

You are a wonderful writer with a voice that needs to be heard. I hope you will not let anyone silence you.

[Ronica]

Hello Commenters,

I am familiar with the situation, from being here with Irène, and I just wanted to say that I did read the offensive post. Trust me, it was *really* bad. But, I know Irène, and I know that this isn't the only reason she quit her job. If she had a boss who was as supportive as you are, perhaps she would still be there. Unfortunately, that is not the case, and that is what hurt her even more than the ignorant, sexist and assinine commenter who originally responded to her post. Her writing is what is important, not holding on to a job without honor or integrity. Sometimes, making the choice to walk away from something is better for us. It's not an easy choice to make, but Irène felt it was the right one.

Thank you for all of your support and kind words, it gives me such a warm feeling to see how many friends she has, and how you have all come together to stand up for Irène when she needs you. I am grateful to be a part of such a wonderful group of friends.

[slim]

Hi Irene,

Thank you for your comment on my blog.

I have received death threats before (connected to my work) so I can understand how violating such a post can be. Unfortunately, I have also experienced the combination of threats on my life and bad management as well.

Your voice is beautiful, and I'm happy that you are continuing to speak..and clarifying when people don't seem to understand what you're saying :) Thank you for dialoging with me so your true voice and story can be heard. There is power in this..

Best Regards,

slim

[carol]

I'm so sorry about the comment and your husband's illness. If there's anything I can do??? Hang in there. You are soooo strong and have handled this and more before. Don't let others affect you so much (I KNOW...easier said than done). Just look forward and know that things WILL get better.

Thinking of you....

[Maria]

So sorry to hear about your husband and the comment that you had to endure. I know how hurtful it can be.

You have a wonderful writing voice and I hope that this doesn't keep you from writing but pushes you forward (easier said than done I know).

[Kohana]

Irene, I too am sorry to hear of all the bad news coming your way right now. May your family have the strength to endure the struggle and come out victorious! You are a beautiful soul and I love your writing, up or down.

[Lynneth]

I'm sorry Irene for these trying times in your family life. Stay strong. The sun always shines even at nights and gloomy days. Keep the faith alive and burning...

[Ninotchka]

Sorry this is late, Irene. I want you to know that I have you and your family in my prayers. You are a strong woman full of grace. Don't ever forget it.

God bless you!

[Hundred and one]

Thank you for sharing this. I breathe a prayer for you.

[Aimee]

I love you, Irene. We're here for you. Anytime.

[wordgirl]

I love the new design and defy anyone to insult you further.

[Miz S]

Oh Irene, I'm so sorry to hear about all this. Your husband's illness sounds scary. I'd like to smack the person who gave you crap at your writing job. Hang in there. Your girlfriends will help you through this. And your blogfriends are here for you too.