they grow up too fast

the last few days have been punctuated by a couple of conspicuously dramatic realizations. I hate to engage in arguments with my husband in public places. I love knitting. I take a shower before going to the gynecologist. I brush my teeth before going to the dentist. I even wash my hair before going to the beauty parlor. and my kids grow up too fast.

my eyes sail through my sons' baby photo albums as if they were someone else's. I remember the flurry of activities and the domestic combats, the long nights and even longer days. I remember the smell of everyday burps, the familiar dirty diapers. I remember the rush and the moral decay. apathy worming in and day-long lamentations about the purpose of my life. but I can not recall one single hug or kiss. and this devastates me.

I wish I could go back. just one day. one hour. it is true. with children, the days are long but the years are short. God, if only I had known.

Comments

[Angie]

Your children will remember the hugs and kisses even when you don't.

[Steph.]

Just the picture alone made me tear up. Beautiful boys you have there, and what you've said about it going to fast, it is so true!

[kassi]

The memories will come back to you when you least expect it and when you most appreciate it. They are beautiful boys at that stage and this.

Cheers!

[Lucinda]

Wow. You really made me think. Thank you. And you're a great mom.

[juliana]

That has to be, one of the cutest pictures I've ever seen...

[Marilyn]

Beyond adorable. "...the days are long but the years are short..." Beautifully put, Irene.

[la vie en rose]

Beautiful words...and yes I agree, it's too short. The funny thing is, because it passes so quickly, when I look at my two year old he's still that baby that use to nap on my chest. It's like my brain hasn't quite caught up to the passing of time.

[kath]

yes its true - long days, short years. so true

[carol]

That picture - those boys - pure beauty. You will remember all the hugs and kisses and smiles. Memories don't get lost - they just get jumbled with everything else that overwhelms us - and then, when you least expect it, the cobwebs will clear, the stress will minimize and there they will be. You are a great mom - ease up on yourself.

[Julie Turley]

They were/are beyond adorable! I relate to your lament.

[christina]

The years are short--what a good reminder. Such a beautiful post. I've SO loved looking through early pictures of Sean & Will. Them in their PJs in front of the TV--oh I could devour them in all their cuteness. The best part though, is despite the fact that those years went fast--you've got you're entire lifetime with them. They are so beautiful, and look so confident, happy & curious. You truly inspire me as a mother, Irene.

[jakapk]

Beautiful boys! It does go by all to fast-just the other day my Juliana and I watched video of her trying to walk-I was amazed by all I thought I had forgotten-we may forget some details but then in moment-we have flashes of what it was- I miss all the smells, touches and feelings of the early years..

[Antonia]

Aaaahh! You have put my feelings into words, you wonderful woman you!

[chrixean]

You have lovely children....

Nice blog! :-)

[Melissa]

Thank goodness for memories -- they last a life time while our children grow up way too fast.

And I thought my husband was the only person to wash his hair before going to the hair salon!!!

[melanie]

adorable little ones!

'with children, the days are long but the years are short...' what an absolutely perfect way to sum up the paradox of motherhood!

[Susie Sunshine]

My solution was to this was to start over and have another baby, only THIS TIME I WOULD PAY BETTER ATTENTION.

Of course that hasn't worked as well as it sounded and I deal with soccer practices and swim lessons and basketball games that are all going on at the same time at opposite ends of town with special mommy drinks that come with umbrellas but still I'm finding that I miss the baby days. It's an addiction.
The picture of your babies makes me want to nibble on those cheeks and bury my nose in their hair and breathe in that lovely smell of baby head.
I think a large part of this longing is to recapture what I've experience in the past and forgotten or to try to do it better than I did before and possibly to get to use some of the awesome newfangled gadgets that they have for parents now.

[Nicola]

What a lovely post. It brought tears to my eyes. My son is 19 months old now and I do try to appreciate every moment, to realise how fast it all passes and to drink in these last hours of his babyhood. He will soon be a boy, and then a man, but for now, he is my baby. I love his smell, his smile, his voice. When he wakes me at night, I cherish the quiet time to nurse and love him, to watch him in the dim glow of the nightlight, to remember how blessed I am.

[Agring]

Wow! your boys are so cute.
It's so true they grow so fast.

[Charmaine]

Awww. Don't beat yourself up too much. It's easy to look back and wish we had done things differently or "made more time" for x or y but you did what you had to do to get through it.