Ferpècle

a "place of magic and talking rocks and crunchy snow", like Tom says. so worth waking up at 7am on a Sunday morning and freezing my ass off for a few hours.

you're 13!

I could go on and on about how funny, thoughtful, patient, and wonderfully different they are. but today I just want to remember that 13 years ago I gave birth to two beautiful baby boys, that they are now healthy (and oh-so-hormonal) teenagers, and how incredibly blessed I am to be able to say those two things.

Happy Birthday my crazy monkeys. I'm so proud and grateful to be your mom.

how do you survive the holidays when there's a child missing?

how do you survive the holidays when there's a child missing? with the help of your framily. a beacon in the storm. my safety net. showering me with loving care. and taking the edge off that now familiar sting.

people often tell me that I'm so strong. but I am not, believe me. there are many hours spent under the covers after the boys have left for school. more hours contemplating dirty dishes, being angry, watching tv shows, crying in the shower, and ordering takeout food. the truth is, I am only as strong as the love and patience that my friends give me. and they're giving me plenty. and for that I am forever grateful.

fall(ing)

"I'm starting to understand how these two are not mutually exclusive. that I can be incredibly sad and still happy. not quite there yet, but I see now how these two can co-exist"

Maui, July 2014.

how to have a fun vacation (Hong Kong edition)

I could go on and on about how you should take the Peak Tram (a 120-year-old funicular railway) to Victoria Peak and enjoy a stunning panoramic view of the city. or how you have to hop on the Ngong Ping 360 skyrail and meet the Big Buddha on Lantau island. and catch the Star Ferry. and visit Man Mo Temple on Hollywood Road.

I could also tell you how grateful I am for the opportunity to travel with my boys, expose them to different cultures, and help deepen their understanding of the world. 

but really. what I want to say is.

Dim Sum heaven.

these two

6 weeks ago, the morning after Oliver's funeral, Sean was hit by a motorcycle on his way to school. he was rushed to the hospital and sent for x-rays and full body scans that revealed a broken collarbone, broken ankle, several broken facial bones and multiple internal injuries. on our lowest moments we kept asking "why? is it a joke?" only to be reminded that our son may be in pain and facing a long recovery, but he's alive.

it's been a long, challenging 6 weeks. but the lessons are invaluable. we've learned how to navigate tilted sidewalks on a wheelchair. who our real friends are. to be grateful, always. that candies make the daily injections to prevent blood clots a little more bearable. and that in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges, there is no answer but to love each other even more.

thank you so much to all of you who've kept our family in your thoughts and prayers.

"I promise he will be a very special boy and you will never look back"

Blackbird said.

indeed he is.

and I never did.

12 years later everything is new (and yet not so much)

introducing #babyboynam.

summer memories

Barcelona, July 2013.