public embarrassment

how did the miraculous testimony of God showering us with love turn into two obviously-on-amphetamines bundles of intemperate agitation? why do my boys lie down on the supermarket’s floor? why do they throw legos out the window? and why, oh why do they have to run into easily irritated old ladies and new mothers who definitely need vitamins and constrain Mommy to clumsily mumble apologies, like, a thousand times a day?

it is insanely disconcerting and humbling to watch your own sons publicly misbehave and disobey. especially when you've been openly condemning and disapproving passive parenting and eulogizing the importance of discipline with such arrogant confidence. last week, a woman told me that I should lower my own voice and teach my children what a decent and appropriate public library behavior is. what a slap in my face.

I'm telling you, the momster cannot take public embarrassment anymore.

Comments

[blackbird]

Well. I know what my husband would say they needed.
And I know that it's good we didn't have a fourth as I suspect, at this advanced age, a fourth would get a smack in the tush.

Little imps.
Leave em home? Scold? Rewards for good behavior when out?
Perhaps this is best left to the younger moms here -- or the co-sleepers, yeah. Maybe you need to co-sleep right away.

[Angie]

Children test the limits of parents looking for bounderies and push to the limits of tolerance -and beyond. Not only do children need dicipline they want it. Structure gives children a sense of security. They learn that for every action there is a consequence. Better they learn this lesson from loving parents than from the outside world who will not love them. It will be difficult but tough love works.

You would not be the first mother in the world to leave a shopping cart exactly where it is and take your children home immediately. No treats, no dessert and when asked remind them of the inappropriate behavior in the store/library/public place. That is the more passive side of me. The other side of me believes in spanking. I never tolerated such behavior. If it happened once it never happened again.

Throwing legos out of the window, take all the legos and put them away. Learning to respect the privilige of owning toys/books/etc teaches them to respect the belongings of other people.

In the case of my nephew (who was originally diagnosed with ADD and ADHD) his behavior was linked to sugar, wheat products and milk products. Even mild allergies to these things can cause children to exhibit wild behavior, they can't control themselves much less obey the rules. When these items where stricken from his diet his behavior changed 100%. He did not have ADD or ADHD. He was allergic to common ingredients in the foods he was eating.

Don't give in. Set the rules and expectations and stick with them. Also consider having them checked for the food allergies.

[blackbird]

see!
Angie is very wise -- and not at all sarcastic.

[Vanessa_AR]

I've got nothing to contribute, because I'm only an aunt and I spoil Emily and Reece rotten, then return them to their parents for the disciplining.

I will say, however, that your boys are so cute!!! I have no idea how you could discipline two little darlings like yours. Oh, and I love the photo.

Better listen to Angie, not me.

[SAHM]

You must realize that those who want to disapprove of your parenting don't have "perfect" children (no one does!) chances are they don't have children, otherwise they would be understanding. I'm sure they were little brats when they were younger! Ha!
ps. cute shoes for the boys... I hear converse are all the rage in paris now.

[bella]

You have double trouble to deal with. People should be more sensitive. My 4 y.old is a handful, and she's a typically well behaved kid.

[Susie Sunshine]

Ha! Any Legos out the window are less for me to step on, yay kids!!!

There comes a horrifying point in parenting when you realize YOU are the one on the airplane with the crying baby and the kid SCREAMING BLOODY HELL in the grocery store.

And it is WAY harder with two little monkeys the same age to deal with. Don't be so hard on yourself and please write down descriptions and/or names of people like the library lady who offer "advice" wrapped in judgement as you go about your daily lives so I can give them "etiquette lessons" when I visit someday.
Or move to the U.S., we have hundreds of thousands of kids who are way naughtier than your little guys wandering around and their parents don't even appear to notice.

[Marilyn]

Oh but god they're so CUTE. (I know that doesn't solve anything...but really, they're just too...cute.)

[coffeegirl]

Dude, is Angie for real? Where can I sign my kids up for that boot camp?

I just ignore the stupid looks I get in the store and tell the kids 'Go right ahead - they're your legos!' Because (a) I don't really care what other people think of my parenting and (b) I don't really care if they throw their legos out the window. But that's just me.

[sarcastic journalist]

I think we all have those moments. Mine is still small but I know the day will come when some little old lady will come up to me and ask why my child is shoving pencils up her nose in the middle of a museum.

[Kathreen]

not sure how to react to this one. on the one hand I find that womans comment totally out of order, she obviously either has not children or like most older people has forgotton what it is like to have small children. secondly I feel for you, children do emabarass you in public, they egg each other on and wind each up until they are unstoppable naughty machines. What can you do except keep on trying. I think you are doing a fantastic job.

[yrobinson]

When I had only one boy, I knew everything about parenting. I was sure that the screaming kids in the grocery store were due to poor role modeling, interation and uncaring parents. Now that I have three under six, I just pray that we SURVIVE the grocery store. My coping strategies are just that: they allow us to cope. You need to parent showing respect for your children and they will learn to respect others and their belongings from that example. It won't happen tomorrow. These things take time. Relax and enjoy the time you have with them.