les toits de Paris

centre Georges Pompidou

quai de la Megisserie

the one where I realize that I'm going to outlive my dog

slipping through life with little turbulence and rejoicing with all our hearts in the cloudless sunshine wearing shorter pants, Scooby-Doo band aids and sticky, greasy sun cream. until we realize that our dog has been throwing up for three weeks. and the vet now shakes her head worriedly, not sure what to tell us.

I know that some day it will eventually happen. that there is an inevitability about such things we can only bear as we best can. that I will squeeze my sons' little bodies with a tender embrace. and that peace and gratitude will prevail. I am still hoping that Finn is going to bounce on her front legs with her butt in the air and feel better soon. but today for the first time in seven years I realize that I'm going to outlive my dog. and this saddens me immensely.

library

of course

his eyes began to sparkle as I cut each Pokemon thoughtfully and slipped them into the little matching envelop I had made for him earlier. I glanced at his little feet tapping the floor impatiently and pointed out that his toenails were too long and needed to be clipped.

Sean stood a minute looking down at them with a curious expression, and then said, sprinkling fairy dust on my soul and providing me with the heartiest laugh of the day:

"I'm sorry Mommy, I guess I forgot to eat them."

I want to believe

some days even though the absence of inspiration and new ideas oppresses me with a heavy sense of guilt, I want to believe that being creative doesn't necessarily involve making a thing that hangs in a place. that it is really my soul expressing itself. a chance to make a joyous choice, and create beauty from life's little, ordinary things.

some days I want to believe that turning the daffodils toward the sun, arranging the boys' artwork, some Polaroid photos and articles ripped from the pages of House Beautiful on my refrigerator's door, matching all the socks in the sock drawer and practicing scales on my piano every morning are the recharging, balancing part of my work.

some days my son's eyebrows tell a story, moving up and down and raising with excitement every time he speaks. and it's so beautiful. I just don't feel like writing about my life. I want to live it. and I want to believe that it's okay, too.

springtime is ice cream time

spring break

makes me smile while I'm stuck at home with sinus and chest congestion, body aches, clogged ears and a cough that sounds like a seal bark