to be a momster

to be a mother is to bare your soul. to open your self to a greater truth. it is to see with your heart, hear with your eyes and feel with your hands. to be a mother is to embrace responsibilities and adversities with bravery. and face life with unfailing hope. I'd forgotten to be brave. I'd forgotten to hope. but most of all I had forgotten the power of these two.

on Sunday night, at 3.30am, Sean had an asthma attack. he couldn't stop coughing for about an hour. confusion intruded my head. and my thoughts were completely disorganized. I wondered what Caroline Ingalls would do. I wondered what Tony Miccelli would do. I was anxious and restless. but most of all, I was powerless. and I hated that. I watched my son sleep with his open mouth gasping for air every 20 seconds. I begged God for healing. I even tried to negotiate with Him. but the coughing didn't stop.

Sean woke up early in the morning and grabbed my face with his small hands. he looked at me as if he was sensing my exhaustion. I could see myself in his eyes. vivid and real. and I thanked God that my child could see. and hear. joke and talk. cuddle and run. and then it hit me. I gently rubbed his airplane sleeper and prayed. I prayed for my son's trachea, lungs, heart, colon, liver, stomach and kidneys. I prayed for a long and valuable life.

gratitude overflows as I see things with intense clarity now.

Comments

[Joelene]

Ok, Now I am starving and slightly hormonal right now, but even if I wasn't your post still would have brought tears to my eyes. I feel for you and your sons for those circumstances, but sometimes out of harshest trials there is a much better reward. How is everything else?

[Angie]

You are blessed, Irene. Several children in my family have severe asthma that calls for immediate ER when they have an attack. My youngest daughter had a few incidents when she was between 12 months and 3 years but never had another attack since. At the time she was stressing so badly to the ER we went. She was put in a tent and had to use the machine which pumps the medication directly into her lungs. That is the most frightening feeling!

I know exactly how you felt watching your child struggle for air.

Do both boys have asthma?

Bless you all.

[Vanessa_AR]

Poor little Sean. I know you were worried about him. I hope he's doing much better now.

[Becca]

you are an excellent mother ... and Sean is a very resilent little guy. I pray he gets better, too.

[blackbird]

(raises hand)
Oh, so, husband in film? check
Travels a lot? check
Child with serious chronic asthma? check
I think I'd better fly over and take you for a drink.

[Josie]

I'm wiping my eyes because I cried when I read your post. I'm so happy Sean is doing better. My son is also named Sean and he also has asthma. A cold chill climbed up my spine.

[Justice]

i felt sad reading this. i felt your situation thru your words. my son's 2nd name is also Sean and just thinking of being powerless as you said, it IS hard for us mothers.
i hope that he outgrows his health problems.god bless.