the momster (part I)

I feel bad today about a lot of things. I feel bad because I really think that I am a bad mother and have truthful examples to legitimate my anxiety and fear. I question my every reaction, face expression, the tone of my voice and every word coming out of my mouth. I question my profound beliefs and values and suddenly they all seem to be blurred. blurred by what ? by the realization that education and discipline aren’t factual. it all happened yesterday night after I've watched a TV program about how to raise your kids well. my boys who seemed to be perfect reflections of typical boy toddlerhood now appear to me like little brats. the problem is that I have absolutely no landmark anymore. it’s like walking without crutches. what seemed to be very important yesterday is no longer something I have to yell about. inversely, what was casual and totally acceptable is now something I have to be firm about. and this is very confusing. I have to establish new rules, but I don’t know what they are. as a result I am depressed, over sensitive (I cried when my neighbor, who is a mother of two, offered to babysit my kids so I could go on a walk this afternoon) and lonely. I guess I’ve been hurt somewhere between my pride as a mother and the feeling of accomplishment I’ve nurtured throughout the years. I feel like I have to start over now. and this is scary, so scary.

Comments

[carol]

Oh dear, I'm not sure what you watched, but don't ever doubt your parenting skills to that level. Sure, we ALL doubt our parenting at times, but you are the best person for your kids. Your love and advocacy for them is unlike anyone else's. Do what your gut tells you to. There are friends of mine who discipline much differently than I do, but that doesn't mean they are better or worse as parents. It's got to be about what you want and expect from your kids. If you're ok with one behavior and not another - so be it. If your kids are learning, happy and moderately behaving well in public - You're ahead of the game. I'm glad you're feeling better today, but I'm sorry you felt so bad.

[Susie Sunshine]

We are all just making ourselves up as we go along. The amazing thing about kids is how quickly they can adapt and recover to a program change.

Hang in and know that you are not alone.

[kevin]

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