“the key to success in life is how well you adapt to plan B”

I am anxious, I feel vulnerable and I hate my banker. yet a healthy liver and excellent blood tests results are reminding me to embrace life with its imperfections and understand and accept that being alive always implies struggling. that the things I believe I can't possibly achieve are often hidden miracles in process. and that amidst daily pressures and challenges we can be glorious and amazingly, perfectly happy.

before Sean and Will were born I used to sing in the church choir every week. we would sometimes rehearse for days on a three minutes long performance yet there was no excitement like it. we worked freely, with all our intelligence and love and nothing could make me happier. I witness the same joyful and feverish energy when my sons chase the neighbor's cat and laugh exuberantly as they pat him on the belly. when they marvel at a sprinkling of daisies on the sidewalk, when they spend half an hour completing a coloring page they proudly display on the refrigerator's door.

lately I've been trying to recover that sense of impassioned energy, of divine awareness. to live more in the present, and honor it. to survive another 3 weeks alone with my boys. to quiet the anger, to love beauty. to be not afraid. and close the deal on the house by myself.

Comments

[Charmaine]

Oh, Irene. You're doing good. I'm proud of you for just thinking about all the wonderful things you enjoy. That's the first step in reclaiming some of those activities.

A friend of mine is going to Paris for her honeymoon next week and I was jealous, thinking if I was going to Paris, I could meet you and your boys and help pick out new rugs for your house...oh yeah, and be in PARIS! ((((Hugs))))) over these next few weeks. Glad to hear blood tests are coming in on the more positive side.

[Susie Sunshine]

You can do it! Kids and house closings go together like milk and cookies!

[Nicole]

Is that banker given you problems? Because I might know people who know people...

kidding.

The solution to feeling vulnerable is to channel Susis Sunshine. Always works for me.

So glad you are well. Missed you.

[Jenna]

Closing the house by yourself? Bless you, woman. We waited until after Nicholas was born to buy our home because we didn't find one before I went on bedrest and then assumed it would be impossible with my blood pressure all the way through the roof.

That said, don't "quiet" the anger. It will only fester. Feel your anger. Let it out in a healthy manner. But quieting it only makes it come back in a fury of ... well, more anger.

I'm glad you posted. I've been missing you and praying.

[kristen]

You inspire me Irene, because you do all this so often alone and you've got 2 children. I admire your ability to find the good when things are so stressful and knowing there's an end to this whole house business must help. Good luck and I'm thinking of you!

xo

[Karyn]

Irene,
It's great to hear the good news about your husband. Your family has been in my prayers. I will continue to do so, as you walk through yet another challenge. Hope that you will not feel alone through this process. May HE walk with you through this valley as well.
love,
karyn from boston

[Chris]

I have no doubt that you will handle all of it with grace and skill.

Living in the moment is one of my goals, too. It's hard, isn't it?! Everything seems to distract me to the future and the past, leaving little space for the now.

[Waya]

Ahh, I'm glad you're back Irene. Hang in there! I've been alone with the 3 kids while the husband travels week at a time, but not closing the house on my own AND the kids. Bless you!

[Aimee]

Irene, if anyone can do you can. You are an image of stregth for me and I so admire you. This is such an amazing post. your writing never ceases to amazing me, my friend...

((hugs))

[Heather]

ah,,so much to take on by yourself. I hope you can find some peace and always remember this psalm 55:22 and matthew 11:28. You can do it, it may not feel like it, but you'll make it through.

[my pink sky]

my entire life is plan B! you seem to be amazing under any circumstances...good luck with the house and the single-motherhood :)
~mindy

[slim]

to be content in the moment..to enjoy the present..despite how much I would like to change my surroundings and circumstances..to find my elusive happiness in moments like this..when I just want to run away..and finding that what actually needs to change is..my heart..I think I hear you..and you're singing strong to me sister.

[PinkRocket]

oh irene! i'm thrilled for you all! keep me posted!! i want pictures!!!

[Marilyn]

"to quiet the anger. to love beauty." Oh, how I needed to hear those words right now... I love how you turn a phrase... xoxo

[bella]

i'm glad to hear your bloodwork came back clean. that is a blessing. how is your husband doing?
this may be a long, hard 3 weeks.. you can do this.
HUGS

[mamatulip]

You've been in my thoughts, Irene. You can do this...one step at a time, right?

[samantha]

Sometimes I have to remember the way through something is not by avoiding it, taking another road, not around or over or under. You have to go...through. It sucks. And it is hard to fully accept that God is with us in the middle of it, not necessarily making it better, but just...there. You can do all of this, you have that ever present help, and I'm so glad the blood tests are coming back with good news.

[Nina]

your writing is so beautiful, so full of emotion and depth. It is raw and vulnerable and feels very, very real. No pretence. Thanks for that.