something better than sunshine

nothing had prepared me for this.

how strangely my son's face darkened. screaming, crying. a shadow of anger hovering over the once happy soul. the little boy shutting more doors and building taller barriers every day. and claiming that nobody loves him.

after a while you stop asking for answers and instant band aids. you acknowledge your own limits, your inadequacies. and simply see how things go, and respond accordingly. you begin each day with a silent prayer. you try to experience true happiness in new places. light, familiar voices, the smell of fresh coffee. splendors of ordinary life concealed in simple pleasures and revealed by the delicate sense of awareness that we are blessed with when we mother, are sick or face adversity.

and one night you put your child to bed and something better than sunshine brightens the quiet room. you look into his eyes. and see nothing but appreciation, and love.

Comments

[Chris]

Oh, Irene, that sounds wonderful!

[Aimee]

You are a wonderful mother! Don't ever doubt it... This entry is beautiful!

[shaz]

lovely. thanks for the reminder.

[beautiful mess]

many kisses on your head. know that in their heart of hearts, your boys ALWAYS know the sacrifices you've made & the deep well of love you have for them. and they appreciate it down to their bones. i'm happy that things are brighter for you, & for your little one.

[love squalor]

such beautiful words. thank you.

[Jen]

Beautiful, wise words. Something that you cannot understand unless you have lived it. May the days be much happier for you all. Happy Love Thursday!

[Pastormac's Ann]

So well said. Beautiful! Thank you.

[courtney]

that is heart breaking painful so worth it love!

[meredith]

A beautiful example of the rewards from a mother's steadfast presence in her child's life.

[Waya]

Your sons are so loved I can feel it through this post. My oldest son often asked me "do you love me Mommy?" And I'm always puzzled as to why he'd ask that since we shower him with constant "I love yous", hugs and kisses. But I guess sometimes he just nds MORE. And I'm way ok with that. Before you know it, he won't want to have anything to do with hugs and kisses from this Mom. Boo hoo hoo.

[Kassi]

just be there...sometimes that is the best anyone can do.

[Elaine]

This parenting gig is hard. So delicate and challenging and frightening and rip-your-heart-out and all the little things that make life crazy. You're an awesome mom and I feel lucky just to know you... a better parent for my association with you!

Hang in there, Irene. There will be more moments like those, pinky swear.

[Marilyn]

And just think...so many more years filled with just those kinds of ups and downs...and when they've flown the nest and are on their own...you'll be so thankful that you were able to be PRESENT for ALL of it...the tough AND the good times. Lovely post.

[Ninotchka]

This touched me deeply, my friend. You know what I've been through and your beautiful words resonated. Thank you, Irene.

[Waya]

Ahhh, so precious! My oldest often asks me "do you love me Mommy or no?" It always puzzles me as to why he would ask that, I guess he just wants some confirmation.