self portrait challenge - momster no more

I have never shared morning cuddling with my newborns under the sheer light of a dawning day. I fed and bathed and wrapped my head around the momsterhood prospect thinking guilt was just a part of the trip. years have passed. and they have been short, troubled and exhausting. I'm now carrying a Samsonite of consuming regrets. lately though, spending time with my sons is more about taking the plunge than keeping my head above water. it is exhilarating and breathtaking and emotional and fun. the balanced equation of darling imperfectness and unbelievable bliss. and my ability to love unconditionally is extending to a level I never thought I could ever reach.

I. love. being. their. mom. I. really. truly. absolutely. do.

Comments

[blackbird]

I quote my blog, I quote a movie...
From the movie Parenthood:
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together!
Some didn't like it.
They went on the merry-go-round.
That just goes around.
Nothing.
I like the roller coaster.
You get more out of it.

[Marilyn]

I LOVE this post...not just because you have such a profoundly moving love for your sons, but also because you're able to articulate it in such a beautifully unexpected way.

[Vanessa_AR]

Yes to what Marilyn wrote. I'd like to add that I love seeing pictures of your boys having so much fun with their mom.

[Momcat]

You could have written nothing with that picture and I would still know the message from the joy of your boys in the shot. Let's all empty out those Sampsonite's of guilt and start just loving being moms more and get rid of the self doubt and critical voice in our heads. Let's all take time to jump on the bed and laugh!

[Susie Sunshine]

The photo just makes me want to hug and hug and hug everyone in it.

[christina]

:)
and
:) again.

Your posts have a way of saying things with aching clarity. You have a certain grace with words, even when what you post is short. Like prose poems. Good stuff. I can't imagine parenting two boys at once--but clearly, you're doing an incredible job of it, in spite of the guilt.

[Crazy Us]

You are so amazingly prolific! What a beautiful picture too.

[Lucinda]

I know what you mean... I couldn't believe the women told me they bonded with their newborns at birth. I thought they were lying. I was so worried about being in charge of my fragile little baby that I didn't really enjoy myself at first- and for the first 6 months, she didn't do all that much so I was, well, bored with the mundane-ness of it all. But every month has gotten 10x better. As her personality has developed and matured, so has my love for her. I enjoy reading your posts to see what I have to look forward to when she's older.
Hang in there- Looks like you're doing great on your own!

[bella]

happiness and joy radiates off the screen into my heart. reminds me of my 4 year old's favorite game. "mommy, can we jump on the bed?". LOL. Great pic!

[jakapk]

Your photo says it all- your words really hit home- ENJOY1

[Joelene]

I love this post, your honesty inspires me.

[carol]

You have it all together, Irene. You're a great mom!

[Kathreen]

i just love reading your blog, your love for your boys, your frustrations of mothering, and your everyday thoughts.

[Melissa]

What a beautiful picture and a beautiful post!

[Angie]

What a great photo!

[trudie]

ah, the samsonite. aren't we all a little too familiar with it. i guess sometimes something just clicks and we see the other side of the coin, even if for just a little bit. and sometimes that even adds more to the regrets, but it definitely makes things easier to live with and *gasp* enjoy!

i'm so glad you're enjoying the time before school with your boys to the max--it definitely looks like you're having a blast! my son starts 4yr kindergarten exactly a week from today--yikes! where does the time go???

[Barb]

Your writing is amazing.

[Flare]

I bet they absolutely love you being their mom! Look at that picture, what mom actaully let's their kids jump on the bed let alone get on the bed with them and jump. That is love, right there!

And I agree, you're writing is amazing!

[kath]

Hi I wanted to let you know about
selfportraittuesday.blogspot.com