my life, lately

thoughts and ideas are buzzing like a thousand restless worker bees and pinging on like fasten seat belt signs. too many things are squeezing into too little time. and it is harder than I thought it would be. writing, feeding, writing, wiping, writing, cuddling. new dreams pushing aside the old dreams. and the lingering, unbearable impression that everything is fantastically beyond my reach.

my multiple attempts at trying to be brave betrays the fact that I am not. I fear more than I trust, which I believe is a spiritual response to some raw wound, a void that yearns for inspiration, art, love, music, fun, but mostly love. I'm blinded by the shifts of life I aspire to. and often forget to live fully, wholeheartedly, incessantly. emboldened. and true.

my house, which used to be as antiseptic as a dentist's office, is now swarming with shoulds and oughts. toys are piling up  in our bedroom as a result of a "clean your room now!" strategy that is obviously failing miserably. Sean and Will, who spell Mommy "I.R.E.N.E." and have been implicitly banned from the video store last week, have now perfected the skill of pushing limits until we fall on our knees and implore the Lord Almighty for mercy.

in other "I think I need Prozac" related news, I have to organize a Dora-themed birthday party for 8 kids. 8.

and full-time single-parenting. again. 10 days.

Comments

[mama_tulip]

I love how you make me sigh heavily right along with you and then make me laugh out loud three seconds later.

Check your email.

[Chris]

*hug*

It's probably ok that your house isn't antiseptic!! :)

So, Eight little wild ones in a Dora-themed party. Hmm. Do the Knots girls do party rescue and assistance?!

[tracie]

toys drive me crazy. I know it's not a great answer but big giant tubs with lids at least give the impression of order. Other than that just start removing toys and hiding them away in the house and bring them out months later and they'll find them interesting again. Ignoring it also works. Good luck with the party!

[Steph]

Well, you might avoid the Dora doll I blogged about yesterday. HA! Dora must be on the brain.

Sorry about your hubby being gone for so long. But, if I know you, you'll pull together a fantastic party and then relish us with beautiful words to describe it. I'll look forward to hearing it too! Take care!

[bella]

irene, it'll all start melding into a gentle flow soon. hold on!!

[Ronica]

Darlin,

School holidays means I am off for the next 2 weeks with absolutely no plans save ironing, yoga, eating and sleeping. You need help? I am here. PLUS, I am experienced with large numbers of small ones (I have teaching licenses in 3 US states!)

Call me. Please.

It's the first day of vacation, and so far I have been sitting in my jammies eating caramels and surfing the net until 1:30 PM. And I am already bored. Really, truly bored.

I would love something to do.

Really. Call me. Please.

[Charmaine]

Sorry life is so chaotic for you Irene. Know that we're all thinking about you and sending you good energy!

[Marilyn]

"...often forget to live fully, wholeheartedly, incessantly. emboldened. and true." Story of my life so many days of it...especially the past month when I was in the hinterlands, internet speaking...

One thing you always are, Irene, is BRAVE. Don't ever forget that.