morning is stunning

I can't believe it's October already. and morning is stunning. people are hunting every trace of persistent summer illusions wearing coats and sunglasses, warming up and recharging under the final rays of sun. 6 days. I've spent the last 6 days wrapped in sheer exhaustion and painkillers. it would not have been so bad if only I didn't feel like losing it every hour, every minute. it is very troubling to face adversity with an acute awareness of the fact that a lot of people do not have what you've got. this usually incites human empathy. and gratitude. but this past week it caused distressful isolation. I yelled. I was irritated. I was despotic. I foiled guilt and shame with educational TV programs. I abdicated all my parental responsibilities. I love my kids. I love them more than life. but when I'm buckled up in a dysfunctional body, every trace of my abiding dedication is discarded.

but I'm back now.

6 days.

thank God I think they still love me.

Comments

[jakapk]

They LOVE you! you can bet the bank on that! Sorry you are still not feeling good- this sucks!

[Susie Sunshine]

They'll love you no matter what, that's the scariest part of parenting.
The little freak outs and yelling and whatnot is just blogging fodder for them down the road.
(Someday they'll thank you for the funny material, trust me on this.)

[christina]

Oh I'm so happy you're feeling better. And OF COURSE THEY LOVE YOU!! YOU ARE AN AWESOME AMAZING MOM!! I love the recent pics you posted of them btw. They are so so so beautiful.

[Vanessa_AR]

SO glad you are better.

[kassi]

Isn't it beautiful...after being someone different for 6 whole days, they welcome you with love. Somehow they just know that being a mom is not easy, especially when you aren't feeling well.

[Lucinda]

So glad you're feeling better. I had wondered what was going on.

Last year, I had the worst cold in the world and this sounds weird, but all I did all day long for about five days in a row was take lots of medicine, lie in our playroom on a big floor pillow and watch back to back "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" episodes on DVD. Baby played all day long in there with me and I always felt really guilty about letting her watch so many fight scenes... but now, I'm thinking- hey. You do what you've gotta do to get better.

Take care of yourself.

[carol]

So glad you're better - how awful to feel so terrible for SO long. I just want to know why you didn't call into work sick? Ha Ha?!!!! Isn't it weird that parenting is the only job you can't do that AND you're not paid. Double whammy!

[Steph.]

They still do and so do we, Irene! I've missed you here in blogland! Glad you're well!

And don't be too aggravated with yourself, you were sick! Everyone gets sick and you can't keep going your normal pace when you do. Besides, the kids were probably in hog heaven watching all that TV. Mine would be. HA!

[KB]

Glad you're feeling better and yes of corse your boys still love you! Don't forget most all of us mama's have been there at one point or another.