just how much fun can you really have shopping for a new toilet seat?

Sean and Will spend most of their days at school which is opened during summer and provides fun activities for children whose parents work, or in my case, have lost the ability to deal with two four-year-olds who keep slipping in and out of the plastic drop cloths that have recently been laid on our new apartment's floors.

I don't think my life has ever been more disorganized. and nothing had prepared me to the daunting reality of house renovations and repairs. my heart pumping, carefully weighing the reasons for and the ones against, almost bursting with anxiety while I stood hesitantly for nearly half an hour before picking a bath faucet, and slightly appalled by the empty feeling that living between two places can give you.

yet some days I can sense that everything I've ever wanted is in my grasp. pancakes on Saturday mornings. laughing. white, beautiful cupboards. inventing. family traditions. new routines. blue walls. lit from within. a book. somewhere I will feel elated, inspired and safe. and I am shocked at the emotion this house still devoid of personal things can stir in me. encouraging me to keep unscrewing, removing tiles, packing, clinging, creating, dreaming and hoping.

in just a week today we will be moving in our new home.

Comments

[Ninotchka]

love the title on this one! and the bathroom faucet bit too. exciting and stressful, isn't it? i wish you well, my friend!

[Marilyn]

Yay! The end is in sight! Enjoy the process (as much as you can). ;)

[samantha]

Oh, lovely indecision, I know it well. I'm bursting with happiness over your new home and sending you lots of good thoughts as you transition to this place o' dreams. How wonderful is that? Your home!!

[Heather P.]

There is nothing like owning your own home. Its right up there with the bliss that comes with having a new baby. Congrats on most likely, the LARGEST purchase you have ever made! LOL :) Enjoy it, you've earned it.

[Chris]

Oh, I know how you feel! First there was buying my condo - wow. And then buying fixtures to replace some that were in disrepair. Too many choices! How to pick the best right faucet for me, when I'd never given faucets a moment's thought before?! The difference between renting and owning is startling. I know I wasn't ready - and often am not even now!

[Waya]

We've been in our house for 4 years and I have yet to finish furnishing our master bath. It's an ongoing project, I think, when you own a house. Good luck Irene! You'll love it once everything's done.

[Chookooloonks]

I'm thrilled for you.

[Vanessa]

I'm so happy for you! You'll manage to get everything accomplished. Don't you sometimes wish you didn't have THAT many choices when trying to select a faucet? It's a bit ridiculous, isn't it?

[mamatulip]

Ah, so much work and so much fun and so many sleepless nights crammed into one big crazy experience.

I'm so happy for you.

[Charmaine]

Irene, I'm totally with you on this one. Except for the kids playing in the dropcloth part! I have moments of clarity and then moments of total exhaustion followed by total confusion. I find remodeling such a fantastic and horrifying experience all at once.

I'd say we have 1 month before we're all moved back into our house! Can't wait to see some pictures of your blue walls.

[blackbird]

Isn't funny how awe-inspiring choosing such simple things can be? I can't wait to see it.

[kristen]

I'm so excited for you and your family Irene, it will be wonderful, all those things. Change is scary, exhilerating and refreshing and how fantastic that you have the option of school for your boys. My girl is at camp and it's saved both of us this summer!

[la vie en rose]

you'll make it! you'll make it!

[AnP]

Fun and chaos to look forward to ;-)

[steph]

This post really resonates with me. I can echo that peace you feel amidst the chaos of preschool-age boys, change, possibilities. It's not unlike the hopeful feelings I had in college, except for the new wrinkles and sunspots on my face and the fatigue that comes with said preschool-age boys.

[madness]

oh girl, the packing and moving -- so unpleasant! -- but it will pass and all the things that you dream to do will be your new routine. As you know, I know!

[my pink sky]

i've always hated the in between too...but oh, the possibilities that await you!

[jess]

I'm so excited for you. Nothing like a long row of faucets to bring out uncertainty. You are going to be so happy hearing little feet padding around in your own home.

[Heather]

How exciting. I know that all the work will be so worth it. I know one day when we get a house, I'll be overwhelmed by everything, but I'll also have that bursting feeling of joy and "home" that you have.

[kala]

getting a house sounds so grownup! It must feel great to take a step forward, and to know that you can drill holes into walls and paint the ceiling with all the freedom in the world. Congratulations!!!