glimpses

I can think of no word or combination of words to define motherhood the way I actually feel it. it is a whole. a big whole that transcends common sense and English vocabulary. a lifetime assignment that I am now fully embracing and that gives my life a sense of meaning and value. today's session with the child therapist revolved around the kids entering kindergarten next September and whether they will be together in one classroom or separate in two, growing up with two languages, two cultures, educational stereotypes and 4 year-olds' innocent cruelty. I know. there's still so much to do. the road is long. and it's going to be hard sometimes. most of the time. but I believe that if I've made it so far maybe I can make it a little further. and I have little glimpses. I see open notebooks on the family dining table, I see piano lessons, I see popcorn and Star Wars DVDs, I see laughing, I hear loud music in the car, I feel love. and this brings tears to my eyes. because it is not a fiction. it is real. and it's all there waiting for us.

Comments

[Lucy]

Being a mom of a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old, I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. There are times that I imagined myself without children. But then hearing "Mommy!", I know I would not be able to resist the idea of having children. You have made it so far and you will make it all the way.

[carol]

Thank you for putting my life in perspective.

[Antonia]

I just realized how negative my outlook on the future tends to be, and now I'm going to stop that. You're so right, again.

[Angie]

From childhood, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up my answer was always, "A mom." At the age of 38 I am 'momma' to my two daughters (18 and 7), stepmother to 1 daughter (10) and I was a surrogate mother to 1 boy (10). I have never thought about not being a mom. Instead I tend to think about what will I do when the children are no longer at home needing me to be the mom I am right now. Steven and I run little scenerios of buying sports cars or taking trips for 2 or never having to climb the stairs to see what the noise is over our heads AND how often the grandchildren will be over to visit and how we will spoil them. My husband is 35, looking forward to the grandchildren and we are still trying to raise the children. The greatest thing in my life is watching the girls grow into strong, intelligent, independent women, but really, what will we do when we are no longer needed to be the every day mom?